A Chat With With My Friend in Sex Ed: Dating With Disability

What this article covers:

• Disabled and chronically ill people want connection, intimacy, and desire
• One of the biggest myths is that disability means disinterest in dating or sex
• Self-love and self-care shape how you show up in relationships
• Beauty and makeup can support self-expression and confidence when they’re a choice, not a requirement
• Small, grounding rituals before dates can help you feel calm, confident, and present
• Dating doesn’t have to be high-energy, low-spoons dates can still be both meaningful and romantic

 

Talking about dating, intimacy and disability can feel radical but only because disabled people have been left out of these conversations for so long. So today we’re sharing our appreciation for Niamh Mannion who has built her work around challenging that narrative. 

As a neurodivergent and disability-affirming sexologist, she supports people to understand their bodies, relationships and sexuality with more confidence and compassion. Curious as ever, we began by asking how she found her way into this space in the first place. 

 

Meeting Sexologist Niamh

Q: Can you share a little about your work as a neurodivergent and disability-affirming sexologist, and what led you into this space?

A: Absolutely, my name is Niamh Mannion and my pronouns are she/her. I am a Developmental Educator and Sexologist, and I was drawn to this work for multiple reasons – largely because I was working alongside folks who deserved inclusive and accessible sex education and weren’t getting it and this was contributing to a myriad of challenges like their self-esteem, their relationships, and challenges with consent and the law. I knew it wasn’t good enough, and [because] I personally love talking about all things sex and relationships, I went on to do further education (because I’m also passionate about evidence based info and being a credible source). 

I’m also later in life realised/diagnosed AuDHD myself and gosh that information would’ve helped me so much in my younger years – knowing the ways I experience intimacy, or communicate or relate to others and that was totally okay, but the way I work would’ve saved me so much grief and heartache in my own relationships.

The misconceptions of dating and sex with a disability 

Even now, despite growing conversations around inclusion, there are still persistent myths about who gets to date, fall in love or feel desired. These assumptions can shape how people see themselves before they’ve even stepped into a relationship.

Q: What do you think is the biggest misconception around disability or chronic illness and dating or sex?

A: It’s difficult to capture in one response as it’s going to be so individual to folks and what feels the biggest or the most impactful. 

But one of the most pervasive [misconceptions], is that people with disabilities don’t want to date, love or have sex. We know that’s not true. We know all folks have the right to experience all of the above, and that the bar should be set higher. 

People with disabilities experience the same spectrum of sexuality and attraction, and deserve to enact and express that too.

 

Inside a sexologist’s FAQs

Because of those misconceptions, many people arrive at dating already carrying doubt or shame wondering if their experiences are “normal” or if they’re alone in what they’re feeling. Much of Niamh’s work involves gently dismantling these feelings.

Q: What are the most common questions you’re asked about dating with disability or chronic illness and what do you usually say?

A: The most common things that seem to come up are comments like, “I’ve experienced x, y, z – is that normal?” Most people are seeking to understand themselves and to be at home in their bodies and their relationships, and to not feel so alone. 

It’s a beautiful thing to get to share information and education in a way that empowers them to explore their individuality and their own unique experiences, and also affirm that so many people have asked that or go through similar things.

 

Healthy relationships depend on self care

Before any date or relationship even begins, there’s another relationship that matters just as much… the one you have with yourself sets the tone for how we relate with everyone else. Confidence, boundaries and self-understanding tend to grow from everyday self-care not just with grand gestures.

Q: How do you see self-love and self-care showing up in dating, and are there realistic practices you often recommend?

A: Self-love and self-care are some of the biggest threads in supporting people to have healthy expression within their relationships (with themselves and with others). There is so much power in getting to know your true self, what you like, what you think, what you feel. 

In practice this could be anything from engaging in your special interest, taking yourself on dates, and self-pleasure and masturbation. This helps you to find others who share similar interests and advocate for yourself in intimacy and beyond.

 

Beauty routines help people love themselves

For many people, that self-connection also shows up in small rituals like getting ready for work or a date. Beauty routines can become moments of creativity and offer safety to express – they’re a way to explore identity and even feel more grounded before stepping out into the world.

Q: Do you think beauty or makeup can play a positive role in self-expression or self-empowerment, particularly in the context of dating?

A: Absolutely. Makeup and beauty is another way that we can put ourselves out there and express who we are. It serves as a creative language to signal your personality and what you want to show to the world. 

The challenges are more around when it feels like a requirement, or to fit a specific beauty ideal. The right person will appreciate your self-expression, however that looks.

 

Simple ways to boost confidence before a date

Of course, dating can still bring nerves. Anticipation, excitement and anxiety often sit side by side. Having a few grounding practices beforehand can make the difference between feeling overwhelmed and feeling present.

Q: Are there any pre-date rituals or grounding practices you’d suggest to help people feel calm and confident?

A: What a gorgeous question, and again will vary from person to person. 

Affirmations in the mirror is a powerful one eg., 

“I am open to new experiences”

“I am enough just as I am”, 

or doing something familiar and embodied, like putting on your favourite song and dancing it out, or singing it out. 

I think something else that’s particularly important within the disability and neurodivergent affirming space is to also set some of your own internal boundaries too. Whether that’s about disclosing your disability, or allowing yourself to leave if you need, that is all part of meeting yourself where you’re at ahead of inviting someone else into that space – prioritising what you deserve (so many of us put others first).

 

Date ideas for low energy days

And finally, romance doesn’t have to mean big, high-energy plans. For people managing fatigue, pain or fluctuating capacity, connection often looks softer and more flexible while being just as meaningful.

Q: Can you share some of your favourite low-spoons date ideas?

A: Heck yeah! Okay let’s list it: at home picnic, audiobook and cuddles, spa night at home, show and tell night, love note exchange, gaming night, lego date, comfort show exchange. 

These all prioritise more of that side-to-side time together to reduce the demand of being face to face, lots of them also can stop at anytime or extend and work flexibly too. 

Our daily rituals matter more than we realise

As Niamh’s work makes clear, dating with a disability can (and should) feel like a natural part of life. It’s part of wanting connection, intimacy, fun and the small rituals that help us feel like ourselves. 

It’s important to note that the conversations we’re having now aren’t about making space for disabled people in dating or beauty. They’ve always been here whether the mainstream are talking about it or not. We’re having these conversations so that people feel empowered, validated and free to express themselves!

Which is why something as simple as getting ready can matter more than we realise. This Valentine’s Day, whether you’re meeting someone new, spending time with a partner, or carving out an evening for yourself, you deserve to feel comfortable, confident and seen. The world is finally learning to meet you where you already stand.

Thank you so much Niamh from My Friend in Sex Ed for taking the time to discuss all things dating, sex, and beauty with us! We’re feeling so inspired by this conversation and hope all of our community members are able to take a little something away from this chat.

 

Shop ByStorm's Valentines Collection here. 

 

About ByStorm

ByStorm is an Australian accessible beauty brand designing makeup tools that work with all bodies. We create makeup tools for people with disability, chronic illness, arthritis, tremors, injury, ageing hands, and anyone who struggles with grip, twisting, fatigue or control.

Our grip tools make everyday beauty routines easier and more comfortable, without compromising aesthetics or joy.

Shop the grip collection here.

 

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